what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
