This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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