So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Randomize
