Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I think my nap took me to another dimension
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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