It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
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