I seem to have left my pride at pride
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Randomize
