im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
this is an emotional support booty call
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I'm too high and old for this...
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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