I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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