And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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