i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
