Who wears a wallet chain?!
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
