I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
