I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Randomize
