I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Randomize
