Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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