No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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