I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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