nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
