Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
