If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
