Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
