whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
