Don't you send me to vm
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
