I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
