Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
So much rum. So many feels.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Randomize
