I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
