You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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