I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
