I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
