sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
