I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
