i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Randomize
