This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
