even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
