Ambien. No doubt about it.
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
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