I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
