i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."�
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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