I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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