my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Randomize
