i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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