Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
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