have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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