1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I want to walk on stilts...naked
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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