In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
