At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
