don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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