My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
