I molested 6 butterflies tonight
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
