i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I just threw up on my dentist
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
