so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
